Why Me? (Part 1)

Our first literary offering is a multipart short story by TDN's Writer in Residence, Cyndi Woods, and you can read more about her here. Please enjoy part one of "Why Me?"

Why Me? (Part 1) 

By Cyndi Woods    

Jill often asked the question “Why me?” whenever a problem came up about her situation. You see, Jill had to do things a little differently because she used a wheelchair. She never wanted to be like this but here she was. When she watched her friends play sports, heard them outside her window riding their bikes, or was left out of their plans to go swimming, it made her angry. “I can never do what everyone else gets to do!” Jill would say to herself in those moments. She would often cry herself to sleep at night after talking with her friends who had a full day of activities that she couldn’t do. Jill’s mother would try to give her pep-talks and positive thinking strategies, but they rarely worked. It was becoming more and more difficult to find any joy or happiness with the way things were.

   Then one day while Jill was at school, her mom received a phone call from her daughters’ counselor. He told her that there was someone he knew that he would like Jill to meet. After a little more information, Jill’s mother agreed and they set up the appointment. When Jill learned of this meeting, she spent the next few days wondering and worrying about the appointment. She asked herself the question again, “why me?”.

   The day of the dreaded appointment finally arrived. Jill’s stomach was in knots all morning. “Mom?” she asked with a voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah?” her mother answered cheerfully. How could her mom sound so happy at a time like this she wondered to herself? “Am I meeting a new doctor or something?” “Nope.” Her mother had not told her who she was to meet that day, only that it was not her usual appointment with the counselor. As they pulled into the parking lot, Jill’s nerves were on edge. Her normal distaste for the spectacle she made getting out of the van turned to hatred. Ever since the car accident, she protested going places when she used to love to have new experiences. There was no part of being in a wheelchair that she liked. Entering through the door, she saw a boy who looked to be about the same age as her. She well knew or at least recognized most everyone who came here, but she had not seen him before.

   Jill nervously awaited her name to be called and She flipped rapidly through a magazine not reading a single word. She cracked her knuckles and twirled her hair, anything to pass the time. She occasionally glanced at the new boy who seemed to be chattering away to his mom about something exciting she supposed by the smile plastered on his face. She hadn’t noticed before now, but he too was in a wheelchair. “Why had I not seen that before?” she wondered. It must have been because she was so up-tight about this meeting. She kept watching the boy’s enthusiastic movements and smiling face. She couldn’t quite hear his words but his actions were unmistakable. Her name was called from somewhere in the distance. She heard it a second time and her thoughts were snapped back to reality. It was her counselor’s voice telling her she could come back now. Her mother grasped the handles of her wheelchair turning her from the energetic boy with the smiling face. Jill wanted desperately to ask him how he found the courage to be so up-beat in spite of his circumstances. But it was too late, she was headed down the hall to face the counselor for this suspicious meeting. Jill was even more dejected now that she had missed her opportunity with that boy.

   When the young man and his mother were out of sight, Jill dropped her eyes to the faded blue and gray carpet blanketing the hallway. She really couldn’t understand the reason for coming here every other week, she didn’t feel any differently after leaving. It wasn’t helping her at all. They made their way around the corner and navigated into his office. Jill normally glanced around his room to see if he added anything new or interesting. On this day, she kept her eyes focused on the floor.  

   “How are you today Jill?” the counselor asked her with added enthusiasm. It got on her nerves. She answered with resignation, “alright I guess”. “Well I suppose you know that this isn’t a regular appointment?”

   She nodded reluctantly as she looked up. He continued, “I know you have been feeling pretty down lately. Not really too confident about your goals in life?” Jill’s head shot up. “Goals!” she exploded, not sure where this sudden out-cry of emotion came from. “What goals? What am I ever going to be able to do?”. To her complete disgust, she burst into tears. At this moment, most people would have run from the room but she couldn’t even do that to spare herself from shame. There was nowhere for her to go and no way to hide her embarrassment. She was stuck. Her mother’s arms came around her and her counselor kneeled in front of her. They both tried to speak words of comfort to her but it was in vain. Jill buried her face in her hands and wept. She so hated her circumstances. She wanted it all to just go away.

   The counselor explained to her that this was the very reason for this appointment. He wanted her to meet someone that he thought could give her a new perspective. “I’ll be right back” he said.

   Jill quickly wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands and pushed her long brown curls away from her face. Her mother handed her a tissue and she gratefully took it. After a few minutes, the door opened and the counselor walked back in. However, he was not alone.

Stay tuned for Part 2 coming next week!