It's Not Time

It's Not Time
By Anonymous

2:44am

I pour from the bottle

over ice, no mixer these days,

with a single lamp to light my way.

Tip the glass to my lips

And pause,

The first sip no longer bites.

Another swallow, just to be sure.

Staring at the other, smaller bottle

The Ferris wheel of memory

Gains momentum.

Sip after sip it doesn’t seem to slow,

Yet.

Time for another drink.

3:12am

They talk of numbness from too much drink,

but I still feel

no matter how many sips, swigs, or swallows.

The bottle is almost empty,

Almost time to call in backup.

Pouring, it spills

Wasting what is so needed, so unnecessary

And so finite.

The ice is now melted,

“Vodka, neat,” I chuckle;

So is drinking from the bottle.

No more waste.

3:29am

There’s just enough left

my heart beats faster, I can hear it.

Just enough left to chase them down.

I wrestle with the damn child-proof cap.

Should’ve opened it before,

The rattling hurts my ears.

The cap flies free

Exploding little blue ovals onto my lap,

One by one, collected into cupped hand

A brave little army waiting to march.

After all have been gathered,

It’s time for the final battle.

3:33am

Two by two they make their way along the path

vodka taking up the rear,

until they have all reached the front.

As the final deployment makes its way

I feel the rumblings of war begin

And for a brief moment, I want to call

A cease fire. But

I don’t have that power anymore,

I don’t have that right anymore.

3:42am

The lamp is not as bright,

the only sounds are those within.

Concentrating on the rhythm, I can hear it, feel it,

Waiting for a change, not sure if I will notice.

Between beats, there is a ringing

That is almost drown out by

a motionless wind, loud enough to bend a tree.

I thought there would be dizziness.

3:49am

the only things I see are straight ahead

as I sink into the chair.

This chair will be my Spoon River

I smell the darkness,

the darkness the lamp is unable to dispel.

The room becomes smaller and fainter

The rhythm has slowed,

Finally overtaken by the ringing and the wind

And then just wind

in the dark.

3:54am…