"Why Me?" Part 5

By Cyndi Woods

Jill could remember that day so clearly before the accident. She was 10 years old and had been listening to her parent’s arguments for the last 3 years. It hadn’t always been like that; her family was so loving and happy all the time. Jill and her little sister Amy always played games together and their parents watched them. They often joined in even when they had no idea what they were playing. Her father was so attentive to his daughters and always made time for them even after a long day at work. He was a Builder who owned his own company and it had been very successful. But one day, Jill’s father came home early from work and said he just had a short schedule that day. He had those every now and then. Then the next week, another short day, then another, and another. They were happening more and more. Before long it seemed that Jill’s dad was home more than he was at work. That’s when the arguing started. They only argued occasionally but it increased quickly. She had heard them one night after her father hadn’t worked in almost a month. She thought she heard her mother say something about losing the house and how drinking wasn’t going to stop that from happening. Drinking? Jill never saw her father take a drink of that sort in her life, but that too changed. Her father began going out, she didn’t know where, and coming home acting funny. He was stumbling and tripping over things and he couldn’t talk very well. Jill was too young to understand what was going on but she remembered how her father acted. This went on for about 3 years before it happened.

   Jill and Amy had been sitting in the driveway drawing with their side-walk-chalk when they heard the yelling from inside the house. They looked at each other with tears in their eyes. “I hate when they yell” Amy had confessed. “I know, me too” Jill had said in agreement. Then her father banged open the back door and clumsily got into his work truck. They had been drawing in the square of cement directly behind the truck. Before they knew what was happening, the truck’s engine gunned to life and it was coming backward towards them at a speed that left them no time to react. Their mother came running out of the front door in time to see something no mother should ever have to see. She screamed for him to stop but he was already out in the road and peeling off down the street, not even realizing what he had just done.

   Jill spilled these words on Randy’s’ lap all the while looking down at her hands as if the whole scene was taking place right there on her palms. She braved a look at him and to her utter shock, he had tears on his cheeks. “OH, Jill, I am so very sorry.” He told her with complete sincerity. “There’s more” she said with hesitation. “I’m ready” he assured her.

   “Like your cousin Mike, my sister…Amy was killed instantly. She took the worst of the impact” she said with a shaky voice. “I woke up in the hospital and couldn’t move my legs, just like you” she gave him a half smile in comradery. “My mom was right there at my bedside when I woke up. I immediately asked for Amy and my mother told me through tears and a whisper not to worry about that now.” Jill said remembering that moment all too clearly. “I knew then that she was gone.”

   “What happened to your dad?” Randy asked unsure if he was getting too far ahead of her. She covered her face with her hands and broke into a sob. “It’s ok, it’s ok,” Randy consoled while putting his hands on her shoulders. She only cried harder because of his compassion. She finally calmed enough to speak again. “My father, in his fury that day, sped down the busy streets of town and hit a bus that was letting kids off after school. Three kids were killed and several others were hurt.” Randy seemed to recognize the story somehow. “My father was drunk and out of control.” She stopped there and watched his face change with the realization of how he knew the story. His eyes widened and his mouth came open slightly. She nodded in understanding. “You saw the story on the news, didn’t you?” He shook his head and said “Yeah, I know the story.”

   She looked down again and gave him the ending of her story, “My father received life in prison without the possibility of parole.” She exhaled with relief to have it over. “I need to tell you something Jill.” Randy’s’ tone instantly put Jill on edge. “What is it?” she asked reluctantly. “One of the three kids who died on that bus was my best friend Timmy. We were in fifth grade together at that time. I was supposed to be on that bus but I was sick that day and stayed home from school.” He told her. She felt like she might vomit. Her hands went to her mouth as if to stop that from happening. How could he ever want to be her friend again with this realization. She knew it would be likely that he wouldn’t want to associate with someone whose father was a drunk and in prison. But in light of this news, she knew without a doubt that he would never want to see her again. She longed for her mother to come looking for her to go home. She couldn’t bear to be here anymore. Martha did in fact come looking for her but brought Randy’s’ parents with her. There was no way to hide all the emotion that was going on between Randy and herself. The adults entered the room laughing but quickly quieted when they saw both kids in tears. Jill’s’ mother immediately went to her daughter and Randy’s’ parents to his side. “What’s going on?” Randy’s’ father asked. Jill could no longer hold her emotions in check, “It was my father’s fault, it was all his fault!” she blurted. Rick and Sharon looked from Randy to Jill then at each other in confusion. Jill rambled on unable to stop her flow of words, “He was the one who was the drunk driver who hit that bus 7 years ago! The one who hit the bus Randy was supposed to be on”, she shrieked pointing to Randy. “The bus Timmy was on and got… killed!”

   Martha straightened and turned to Randy’s’ parents looking for the meaning behind Jill’s’ words. They looked at one another and Ricks arm went around his wife’s shoulders and Sharon’s hand went to her chest. They both looked at Randy who was watching Jill intently. Martha began to understand some of the pieces but not who Timmy was. She spoke to her daughter in a soothing tone, “Honey who is Timmy?” Jill glanced at Randy and quickly looked away. It was Randy who answered her question. “He was my best friend at the time of the accident.” He explained Martha’s’ hands cupped her mouth and nose in astonishment. “We shouldn’t have come tonight.” She said hastening to gather her daughter and head for the door. Sharon stopped them as they started to pass, “Please stay.” She pleaded. Sharon knew that Martha and Jill were feeling shame. She wrapped her arms around Martha in a fierce hug and told her that nothing would change about their new friendship. Martha returned her embrace with tears and apologies. She also told her how it could have been her son on that bus. “None of that matters now.” Sharon said. “That was a long time ago. We have expressed those feelings already to each other and moved passed all that.” Sharon assured her. Martha Pulled back and looked Sharon in the eye, “What about Timmy’s’ parents? How are they?” Martha was truly interested in their well-being.

   Sharon looked at her husband and turned back to Martha, “They’ve been in family therapy and are trying to move past the accident.” She said with a positive note in her voice. “They’ll be fine in time.” Rick offered. Martha put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, “Did you hear that honey?” Jill wasn’t convinced. She was waiting for Randy to stop the whole conversation and tell his parents to let them go, that he never wanted to see them again. He didn’t. Instead he put his hand over Jill’s’ and spoke in a quiet tone, “I’m so sorry Jill.” He was apologizing to her? Was she hearing him correctly? “You’re sorry? What could you possibly have to be sorry for?” she asked with a note of shock in her voice. “No child should have to bear the feelings of responsibility for their parent the way you obviously have.” He told her. How could he show her such understanding after his best friend had been killed at the hands of a reckless drunk driver that happened to be her father. She didn’t know if she could be so forgiving. “Contrary to how I’m sure you’re feeling, I don’t want to end our friendship, I feel like it just got stronger.” Randy explained. “You do?” she asked through her tears. “I really do.” He smiled.

   Jill looked up at her mother and at Randy’s’ parents, they were smiling at her. “We are so thankful you both have come into our lives.” Sharon said taking Martha’s’ hand. Martha put a hand on Jill’s shoulder and looked from her daughter to Randy’s’ parents. “We are so very thankful as well.” She breathed. Randy put a hand on Jill’s’ knee and a smile on his face, “Yeah, me too, now I have another best friend.”

   Jill couldn’t take it all in and her tears fell freely. Why me, she thought, why would he want me for a best friend.  Her heart was overcome with emotion. She was finally free from the shame her father had brought to her life. This new friend would allow her to move past all the hiding and covering up of her situation. Her gratitude was so overwhelming and she took Randy’s’ hand, “Thank you for understanding. Thank you for being my friend.” She whispered. Martha turned to Randy’s’ parents, “And thank you for the same.” They stayed into the evening hours and made the S’mores they planned. They laughed, they counted stars and tried to find the big dipper. They created new memories for each other, happy memories that they all needed, and this was just the beginning.

   Look forward to hearing more from Randy, Jill, and the whole crew in the future.